Son Grin
by L'il Senzu
Summary: Goku is coming back from the otherworld, and everyone is so happy.... at least almost everyone. Gohan POV. very slight angst. was bored, again. One Shot. Please RR


Okay, so this is my 4th fic, 3rd DBZ.... Its kind of a new angle for me.  
  
Oh, and unfortunately I guess this is not very original. Just another Gohan hating Goku fic. Well not exactly hating. As a matter of fact it never really states that he really dislikes his father... But if you're sick of that cliché, you may want to stray away. But if you're willing to give me a shot, I'll TRY not to disappoint you that much.  
  
Anyway, this is a one shot, Gohan's POV.  
  
Warning: a lil swearing, not much. PG.  
  
Note: oh and this is like a glimpse into Gohan's thoughts...so he does tend to ramble and switch subjects a bit. Just like everyone does in their mind, I guess. I was bored...not sure if this is any good. So review and tell me if its okay or horrible. I really need input!!  
  
Son Grin  
  
Irritated, I ripped the culprit blades of grass roughly out of the ground. The grass is rough and itchy today. Scratching and tickling at my skin uncomfortably. I felt like standing and using a weak ki blast to burn it all away, so I could lie in peace, but I knew it wouldn't help. Really, I know it isn't essentially the grass that is upsetting me anyhow. I have just heard the news:  
  
Goku is coming home.  
  
I know I should be happy. Hell, I should be ecstatic considering the circumstances. But I'm not. It's just that it's been so long...I don't even know if I want to see him again. And it's not like I haven't missed him. I have. And it's not like I hate him. I can't do that. But he's been gone for seven years. Seven very **long** years. And I guess after a while I sort of got used to thinking he was never coming back.  
  
Everyone else is so excited about this. They think I am, too. But of course they think that. I just grinned a trademark Son Grin and acted happy.  
  
Acting has become so easy for me. After the Cell Games, people were so worried about me I had to act. I had to convince them I was alright. No matter how I felt. I had been pretty upset for a while. I've faked so many Son Grins, I can't even tell if I'm ever smiling for real or not, anymore. Faking it has just become so natural to me.  
  
I'm actually proud to say I've become so good at giving out false grins and laughs that no one has caught on yet...well, except Piccolo. But I don't believe it has ever tricked him. Piccolo can see right through my Son Grins and false laughs. But being who he is, my old mentor tells no one of my false cheer and he doesn't even speak of it to me. He just gives me a 'look' to let me know that he doesn't fall for it. Of this I am very thankful.  
  
I don't really smile or grin for real anymore...except around Goten, of course. He's the only one who can get a real Son Grin or sometimes even a real laugh out of me. And somehow, even though I don't think he knows I fake being happy so much, I think he can tell the difference...  
  
Oh Goten! How is going to handle Goku coming back? He's never met him before. And as I hear it, Goku is only coming back for a day. One day. Goten will have his real father for one day and then just lose him all over again. Is that even fair? How is he going to handle it?  
  
How am I going to handle it? At first it had been so hard with him gone. I cried a lot. I ran away a few times. I just couldn't handle the guilt. I felt as if I had been the one to kill Goku. Like it was my fault. Luckily, Piccolo helped me pull through that one. He hadn't done anything too extraordinary. Just talked to me, well I did most of the talking. He just played the part of the good listener. And he came and got me when I ran away. He didn't make me go home, well he kind of guilted me into it sometimes in a way that only Piccolo can, but mostly he just found me and I was the one to make the decision to go back. He understood that that was the way it had to be.  
  
After the guilt, I was sad. I missed Goku a lot. I had to get through that one alone, because although Piccolo was still there, there wasn't really that much he could do about it. Then it wasn't too long after that I got used to not having a father, because that was the norm for most of my childhood anyway, and then to the point where I didn't need him anymore, I missed him...but i wasn't sure if I wanted him back. This is the point where I'm at now. I still don't need him. I grew up without a father, and now for him to come back?  
  
Goten needs him though. He'll get to meet him...for a day. And then he'll leave.... I think I'd rather not have Goten meet Goku than have him meet him just for a day and then leave him again. I have to face it: Goku doesn't care about us.... Well that isn't really fair. He does care, but not as much as he should. Goku's priorities are: saving the world, fighting, training, food, friends, and then family. In that order. I know its true, because if it wasn't then he wouldn't be coming home...for a fight.  
  
I think that might be the worst part of all this; the fact that he's not coming home for his friends, or mom, or Goten, and definitely not for me. He's coming home to enter in a stupid tournament. If we had known that we would have set up a tournament seven years ago, so he could have stayed. So Goten could have a real father, not just an older brother who he thinks should be. And my little talk with him never helped much, except further convince him that if I'm not his dad that I should be. And again, I guess that I am. "Dad" is a pretty sacred word. You've got to earn it, and so far Goku hasn't. I mean, for me he once had, but not for Goten.  
  
He didn't even have to leave. I think that realization is what made me go from not needing him to not wanting him back. He said he was leaving because all the evil guys came to earth to find him, so that put us in danger. I think he was just being egotistical. They did not ALL come to find him. I mean, yeah most of them did, but a few would've come with or without him, and if it would've been without him, everyone on Earth would be dead now anyway and Goten and I wouldn't be born. So really, he has done more good than wrong just by being here. And I really think everyone who has some revenge plot against Goku is well dead. Whoever comes in the future is probably not after Goku himself. I mean, after a while Frieza probably would have made his way to Earth, and the first Piccolo would've conquered it way back when... and the red army...and a lot of other megalomaniacs would have just killed off everyone years ago, without Goku. So I really don't know how everyone accepted that as a valid excuse for him to just abandon us.  
  
So he's coming home soon. For just one day. Like dangling meat in front of a cat and then throwing the meat into a fire. That's what Goku is doing to us. And I am sick of it. I don't need him anymore. I stopped needing him years ago. Goten doesn't need him. He's been fine without him. He does not need a man who will just desert him anyway. Mom doesn't need to go through it again. She does not need to see him and then spend all night every night crying when she thinks that I can't hear her. She's stopped that now, but she did for a long time. And I couldn't do anything about it. That really pissed me off. None of us need to go through the pain of him leaving us again.  
  
If Goku thinks he can just come back now and everything will be the same, he is dead wrong...But I can't tell him that. I can't tell anybody. It'll hurt them to know any of it. To know that my Son Grins are false, that I don't need my father as much as I did when I was four years old, when he first left me, that I'm not a duplicate of Goku. I'm not allowed to dislike my father. And I'm not allowed to be angry or hurt. I'm Goku's son, after all...biologically at least. So I'll just pretend to be happy and excited like everyone else.  
  
I'll just flash my Son Grin, and everything will be fine. 


End file.
